I just came from the first grade talent show. Not sure if I'm proud or embarrassed or both. Probably a little of both.
About a month ago, Paige came home with a flyer about the school talent show and told me that she and her friend Gracie were going to do a dance and she needed a purple costume. I pretty much just said, "Oh, okay Paige" and forgot about it, kind of hoping in the back of my head that she would forget about it too. At the same time I was feeling a little guilty, thinking maybe I should help her prepare something but the thought of the two of us with our conflicting opinions, etc. made me just push that thought aside. I swear we already have that teenager mother-daughter relationship thing starting and I just wasn't feeling well. It seemed too overwhelming.
She brought it up again a couple weeks later, still intent that she would be participating. She asked me again for a purple costume. "What kind of a purple costume, Paige?" I asked, "I don't know, it just has to be purple, Gracie's going to wear a purple costume too." "Oh boy," I thought, remembering when Hailey decided she was going to be in the first grade talent show. It wasn't a good experience - at the time at least. She told a joke, no one laughed and her teacher made a mean remark. She was humiliated. I felt like a slacker mother for not discouraging her from doing it, and even more horrible that I hadn't enrolled her in piano, violin or something else at age 3 which would "wow" the audience. Hailey can look back on it now and talk about it matter-of-factly, I don't think she's permanently scarred. However, when Paige talked about being in the talent show Hailey was adamant that she shouldn't do it. I think a part of her didn't want Paige to be humiliated, but a bigger part of her didn't want to have her little sister embarrass her.
A few days before the talent show she told me that her friend Gracie had backed out and would not be performing with her but that she was going to get up and do some ballet by herself. I cringed a little (she hasn't taken ballet for about a year and a half) but figured I'd try to be supportive. Needless to say, the day of the talent show came, she was still intent on doing it so I figured I had better show up. Paige had "prepared" a few ballet moves and packed her leotard, tights and ballet shoes in her backpack. Crew and I arrived in time and took our seats in the gymnasium. We watched the first few girls perform. One of her friends did a dance routine that was completely choreographed and had a cute costume and curled hair, etc. Paige had to follow her. I was kind of dying inside. I really didn't want people to laugh or make fun of her. Luckily, no one did, people watched her gracefully twirl around on the stage and clapped politely when she was finished.
In the end, I'm glad she did it. She felt good about herself and thought it was really fun. I think it takes a lot of guts to get up in front of a bunch of people all by yourself and perform (I'm not sure if you can classify what she did as performing, but none-the-less she did it). It taught me a few things. First, Paige has an amazing little spirit and has an innate confidence that I hope she never looses (I guess I knew this about her but this sort of reaffirmed it). Second, Paige needs an extra curricular activity which gives her an outlet to perform and third, I need to step it up as a mother in SO many ways. Sometimes I feel like I'm too much in the middle. I'm not a pushy stage mother who is enrolling my kids in a million things like dance, cheer, gymnastics, ballet etc. like some mothers - not that I want to be that way, but I think I could be a little more in tune with what would bring out the best traits in each of my children and better about encouraging those things individually. I am guilty of scheduling both Hailey and Paige for the same things to make life easier on me. I'm reading
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother right now and it's really making me think about my role as a parent and mother.
My friend Tami took a few pictures of her since I only had my iPhone.
Great job Paige! You never cease to amaze me!
