First Day of School 2010

Hailey started 3rd grade, Paige started 1st and Crew is holding up a "zero" representing preschool.

Crew got really mad about something during the pictures and threw his backpack down.

Then he put it back on...

and sulked.

So I just took one of Hailey and Paige.  

They look so cute in their matching first day of school outfits!

It really was just the first day for Hailey and Paige, Crew started school last week but I figured I'd just get them all in one shot today.

The last few weeks of summer have been a little trying.  I have said (well, maybe yelled) on more than one occasion amidst the fighting, whining and complaints of boredom, "I can't wait until school starts!!!!" I thought I'd be jumping for joy as soon as I dropped them off today.  Especially after a hectic morning of getting everyone ready, fed, lunches packed, pictures taken and out the door all by myself (Jim had a 7 am meeting).  Plus, it was raining and I had to search the house for umbrellas and could only find two which sent Crew into a major tantrum tailspin.  He insisted that he really, really needed an umbrella as well as his baseball hat and raincoat.  This made for a rather unpleasant and loud drive to school.  However, we made it with just enough time to walk the girls into school.

I was caught by surprise as tears started welling up in my eyes as I watched both girls settle into their desks in their new classrooms.  As a child, I remember being so nervous and unsure every time a new school year started, new teachers, new friends, a new routine.  But both girls seemed fine, completely confident and happy to be there, never looking back to see where I was.  I reluctantly left and as Crew and I were driving over to his school, he must've heard me sniffling and he told me to "Stop tying, Mom!" (He's still having some speech issues).  No sympathy from him, I think he was more than happy to see them off!

Even though it will be nice to have a little time to myself, there is a part of me that will miss them during the day.  I keep telling myself that they'll be grown up and gone before I know it!  But for now, I am more than ready for some structure.  I am welcoming the homework, the spelling tests, school projects, volunteering, gymnastics and piano lessons, bed time books and especially the 8:00 bedtime again--all of which have been severely neglected for the last few months!

Mother's Day Resolutions

Somehow, with the approach of every Mother's Day, it seems I've been keeping a little list in my head of all the things I'm doing wrong as a Mother. While on one hand, it's nice to be acknowledged and appreciated, on the other hand, it's horrible what we do to ourselves (or at least what I do to myself) on the inside. By the time Mother's Day has arrived, I've decided I don't deserve any appreciation and acknowledgement and feel guilty for the entire day. I know, it's not rational, but somehow I always end up feeling this way!

A couple of reasons why I've questioned my mothering skills lately...

Yesterday after going to the gym, my friend Kaylene and I decided to take the kids over to McDonald's to kill some time. She's got 2 kids, both 2 years old so Crew has a great time playing with them. Somehow, Crew snuck out of the playland and out of the double doors (meaning he had to open two doors himself) at McDonald's and was heading for the drive-thru driveway. Luckily, an older lady who happened to be sitting facing the window noticed him and ran out and grabbed him apparently right before a car came driving down the drive-thru and could have very easily not seen him. She brought him back into the playland where I was negligently chatting away and explained what happened. My stomach dropped immediately and I couldn't help myself from falling apart. I am still having flashbacks to what could have happened. It was a good wake-up call to be more aware of his increasing independence.

I've had a 21 year-old babysitter coming on Wednesdays for 2 hours while I go volunteer in Hailey's class for an hour and then run errands for an hour. It's been great, up until last Wednesday. My friend brought the babysitter to my house (she doesn't have a car, long story), as soon as she got there she started explaining to me that she doesn't think she's the right fit for our family, in other words, she could not handle Paige's tantrum's. Not wanting anyone to take care of my children that doesn't really want to, I told her thank you for letting me know and I promptly took her home. I have mixed feelings on this one, part of me feels like my parenting skills are lacking because my 5 year-old is still throwing tantrums, and the other part of me is a little frustrated with this babysitter. If Paige sees any vulnerability in an authority figure, she takes full advantage of it. She told one babysitter she was "the worst and most boring babysitter in the world." Luckily, this girl has 4 younger siblings and didn't let it phase her.

These two examples are just a tiny peek at why I am feeling inadequate lately. I guess it's good to have wake-up calls every now and then and try to improve upon your behavior or lack of behavior. I love being a mother and it's the most important job in the world to me. In some ways, it's hard being your own boss because you can be your own worst critic and then it's not followed up with any positive reinforcement (or at least the kind we're used to). I need to remember that the hugs and the "I love you's" from my children are all positive reinforcement.

My goal for this Mother's Day is to try to allow myself to enjoy it. Mother's Day is going to become my new "New Year's Day" and I'm going to try to start fresh and set some goals that will help me be a better mother. Especially with summer coming, I'm going to have to have my game on!